The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
