i just had sex bonerless
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
