How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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