There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
