Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well most of my day revolves around power hour
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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