New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
