i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
COCAINE IS GR8
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
