Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
