Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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