and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
