we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
