Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Pants are for mortals
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
