Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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