found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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