it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
