Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
