I must be too annoying 4 u.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
