I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
