Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
