remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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