I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
