You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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