Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
