my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
