Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
