sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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