I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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