Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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