This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
