Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
