matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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