What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
