there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
