Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
