Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
