just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
