Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
