i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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