i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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