I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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