we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
