i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
