the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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