So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
