i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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