my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You smell like stripper and shame
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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