kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
