Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is it because I queefed?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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