who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
