I think i peed on brittanys purse
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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